Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
