Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
