If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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