Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
