I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
