It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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