fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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