You're my little dorito
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
