What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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