I met the friendliest cop last night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
