your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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