when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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