Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
