this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
