About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
