He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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