i permit you to call me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
