If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize