Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Someone shattered a urinal.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
