So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
