My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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