You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
