i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
nutella sex= disaster
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
