Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
