I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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