i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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