My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
