Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize