I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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