Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
