i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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