Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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