Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
