FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Come on in and take your pants off
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