I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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