I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
