He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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