May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
