so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
