The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
