I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
