Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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