Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
