my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
