I just gift wrapped bread.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
