If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
