What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
