Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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