I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
