She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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