you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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