I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
