Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
