Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
