Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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