some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have fence marks all over my body
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
