I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dicks are not precious.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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