I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
