I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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