I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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