I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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