Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
