adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
