FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No subtext here. People are naked.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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