i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
