he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
