So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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