is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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